Reflections
I arrived in Germany on 8th September 2014 and will leave on 13th June 2015, making my official time living here just over nine months. A year abroad is often hyped up to be the best year of your life, meaning there's a lot of pressure to not only have a great time but also tell and show everyone how fab it all is. Before you leave for the adventure, people you tell are either thrilled or terrified on your behalf; it's rarely a lukewarm 'oh that sounds nice' reaction when it is revealed that you're moving to a different country for a significant length of time. In my experience this interest peaks just before you depart, then cools massively leading up to your first return home, when it becomes clear that life abroad leaves you looking mostly the same with no immediately obvious scars.
This diminished interest could be partly my fault; I must have made Chemnitz sound very uninspiring, judging by the number of people that still think it is a tiny, rural village (its population is 240,000!). Another reason could be that despite its not-tiny nature, Chemnitz isn't actually that thrilling a place to live or hear about. It's not the most boring city, but neither is it vibrant and full of life. One of the feelings I've been left with after this year is a kind of bored cynicism about Europe. There are still lots of places in Europe I want to visit, but honestly I have mostly lost interest in going to Germany/France/Italy/Spain/the usual holiday countries near the UK that are totally non-threatening. All of the above countries are realistically quite easy places to live; the culture may be slightly different but ultimately the only real problem one might encounter would be the language barrier. I'm sure this cynicism will wear off as soon as I'm back home, but at the moment I am bored of Europe and excited about the rest of the world.
Achievements
The year abroad is not only supposed to be an absolute blast, it also provides the opportunity to Achieve Things. The biggest of these hoped for achievements is of course fluency in the language. When people ask me, 'so are you fluent in German?', I've taken to dreamily answering: 'What is fluency anyway?' This is not only because I fear I'm not fluent and I'm avoiding the question, but also because my definition of 'fluent' has genuinely changed this year. At the beginning I considered it to mean 'native speaker level', which for nearly everyone is a frankly unreasonable goal. I have since modified this definition: 'fluent' means that you can understand everything that you hear, and you are able to express anything you want to in the language. This allows for gaps in vocabulary; as long as you can explain that it's a little house in the garden where the dog sleeps, do you really need the word for kennel? (Hundehütte.) In this sense then, yes, I am mostly fluent. My fear of returning to Manchester and everyone's German being one thousand times better than mine is of course still real and strong, but for that only time will tell.
My other achievement this year, and the one of which I am equally proud, has been this blog. It's helped me practise writing and develop more of a 'voice', it's given me a sense of structure and discipline writing it every week, and it will allow me to easily remember things I've done this year in greater detail that would otherwise have been possible. I do also slightly feel as though I've won, being the only one amongst my friends and acquaintances to have written it every week. What do you mean, it's not a competition?
For other narcissists, I would really recommend writing a blog. Ranting and rambling without externally-imposed boundaries or deadlines is surprisingly freeing, and it provides the sense of achievement that comes with productivity even though essentially all you've done is have a written chat with yourself. As is obvious, I am a huge fan of blogging. Blog blog blog.
Life lessons
The final important aim of the year abroad is to Develop As A Person. This is difficult to gauge about yourself, as the changes are so gradual as to be hard to notice. I can't remember when exactly I realised that standing up in front of a group of people and giving a presentation was enjoyable rather than stressful, or when I stopped caring about sending emails/messages in German to anyone at all.
There are of course still lots of things I want to improve. German phone calls are still stressful, although no longer panic-inducing, and my personality in German is still very reserved and awkward at times. But the majority of things that would have been scary in the past are no longer. I don't think this is due to increased bravery though, but simply caring less. Becoming less self-conscious is an incredibly important step and this year has definitely helped with that.
Overall, my year abroad has taught me a lot. I'm not sure if it was the best year of my life - there wasn't enough time spent with close friends and family, or opportunity for academic achievement by which I like to judge my own capabilities, and there was nowhere near enough cheddar, humous or kickboxing. However. Now I know I can live abroad, and I can work in a school and love it, and children like me and so do some adults, and travelling is actually a lot easier than I always think it is. I've made a few good acquaintances whom I'll see again if I come back here or if they come to the UK, and one good friend with whom I will keep in frequent contact and probably arrange to visit very soon. Working as a language assistant was mostly a good choice, although with hindsight it would have been better to do so for only six months and then spend a semester at a university. But that's only a very small regret. I've really enjoyed living in Chemnitz, and I will definitely come back in the future.
This diminished interest could be partly my fault; I must have made Chemnitz sound very uninspiring, judging by the number of people that still think it is a tiny, rural village (its population is 240,000!). Another reason could be that despite its not-tiny nature, Chemnitz isn't actually that thrilling a place to live or hear about. It's not the most boring city, but neither is it vibrant and full of life. One of the feelings I've been left with after this year is a kind of bored cynicism about Europe. There are still lots of places in Europe I want to visit, but honestly I have mostly lost interest in going to Germany/France/Italy/Spain/the usual holiday countries near the UK that are totally non-threatening. All of the above countries are realistically quite easy places to live; the culture may be slightly different but ultimately the only real problem one might encounter would be the language barrier. I'm sure this cynicism will wear off as soon as I'm back home, but at the moment I am bored of Europe and excited about the rest of the world.
Achievements
The year abroad is not only supposed to be an absolute blast, it also provides the opportunity to Achieve Things. The biggest of these hoped for achievements is of course fluency in the language. When people ask me, 'so are you fluent in German?', I've taken to dreamily answering: 'What is fluency anyway?' This is not only because I fear I'm not fluent and I'm avoiding the question, but also because my definition of 'fluent' has genuinely changed this year. At the beginning I considered it to mean 'native speaker level', which for nearly everyone is a frankly unreasonable goal. I have since modified this definition: 'fluent' means that you can understand everything that you hear, and you are able to express anything you want to in the language. This allows for gaps in vocabulary; as long as you can explain that it's a little house in the garden where the dog sleeps, do you really need the word for kennel? (Hundehütte.) In this sense then, yes, I am mostly fluent. My fear of returning to Manchester and everyone's German being one thousand times better than mine is of course still real and strong, but for that only time will tell.
My other achievement this year, and the one of which I am equally proud, has been this blog. It's helped me practise writing and develop more of a 'voice', it's given me a sense of structure and discipline writing it every week, and it will allow me to easily remember things I've done this year in greater detail that would otherwise have been possible. I do also slightly feel as though I've won, being the only one amongst my friends and acquaintances to have written it every week. What do you mean, it's not a competition?
For other narcissists, I would really recommend writing a blog. Ranting and rambling without externally-imposed boundaries or deadlines is surprisingly freeing, and it provides the sense of achievement that comes with productivity even though essentially all you've done is have a written chat with yourself. As is obvious, I am a huge fan of blogging. Blog blog blog.
Life lessons
The final important aim of the year abroad is to Develop As A Person. This is difficult to gauge about yourself, as the changes are so gradual as to be hard to notice. I can't remember when exactly I realised that standing up in front of a group of people and giving a presentation was enjoyable rather than stressful, or when I stopped caring about sending emails/messages in German to anyone at all.
There are of course still lots of things I want to improve. German phone calls are still stressful, although no longer panic-inducing, and my personality in German is still very reserved and awkward at times. But the majority of things that would have been scary in the past are no longer. I don't think this is due to increased bravery though, but simply caring less. Becoming less self-conscious is an incredibly important step and this year has definitely helped with that.
Overall, my year abroad has taught me a lot. I'm not sure if it was the best year of my life - there wasn't enough time spent with close friends and family, or opportunity for academic achievement by which I like to judge my own capabilities, and there was nowhere near enough cheddar, humous or kickboxing. However. Now I know I can live abroad, and I can work in a school and love it, and children like me and so do some adults, and travelling is actually a lot easier than I always think it is. I've made a few good acquaintances whom I'll see again if I come back here or if they come to the UK, and one good friend with whom I will keep in frequent contact and probably arrange to visit very soon. Working as a language assistant was mostly a good choice, although with hindsight it would have been better to do so for only six months and then spend a semester at a university. But that's only a very small regret. I've really enjoyed living in Chemnitz, and I will definitely come back in the future.
Comments
Post a Comment