Wimmin’s issues

There’s been a lot of debate on Facebook recently, from various members of my Facebook social circle, about issues relating to women and feminism. The older I get, the more of this I see on social media, whether it’s because we’re all maturing together and taking more of an interest in the numerous problems of our society, or because I’ve been steadily unfriending those with terrible opinions which means that more of the good ones can shine through.

The feeling of solidarity when a Facebook friend posts something positively relating to feminism, be it an article, petition or photo, is just delightful. It’s as though we’re all part of a team, one which has involved years of struggle, education and argument, mostly by people not of our generation. This hard work has led, amazingly, to the situation where it is possible for young people to post on social media sites about the team and continue to celebrate, develop and get angry about it together.

In general, we are able to enjoy such social media activism without much harassment; in comparison to past years of being thrown in jail or worse, we have it very easy. Nonetheless, although online feminists tend to not suffer actual physical harm, the huge amount of negativity and harassment that is still thrown at us is sometimes breathtaking. I would like to address a few of the most common arguments against feminism, because some of them are getting exhausting.

1. “Women are more oppressed in other countries so you shouldn’t complain”

This argument is invalid for many reasons. Firstly, yes it is absolutely true that in other parts of the world the situation of women and girls is far worse than in Britain. However, this does not mean that the problems still faced in the West are not worth addressing. Allow me to use an analogy to demonstrate this: it is as if to say, yes your house is rotten and very dangerous to occupy due to the high risk of collapse, but that house over there built on an incredibly high tower that you can’t access is on fire! You shouldn't bother addressing your own potentially deadly house because that other house needs more immediate attention.

It is true that the burning house needs help, and urgently. But as pupils and students in Britain trying to finish our education before we can start our lives, there is little we can honestly do at the moment to address the enormously widespread problems that women face in other continents. However, there is a lot we can do in our own countries, in our own circle of acquaintances, to start making a difference. Personally, when I finish university I want to work in the area of women’s issues, whether that ends up being in Europe or elsewhere. But at the moment all I can do is continue donating to charities that do help the women that I can’t, and try to change attitudes that I am aware of in my own small way.

Moreover, it is an absolute certainty that those saying “women are more oppressed in other countries so you shouldn’t complain” are doing precisely nothing to help these women they’re talking about. They just want you to stop talking about the problems women face in this country.

2. “Stop exaggerating!”

This is a common refrain, almost always from members of the male species who have never had to consider such things before. Their outlook seems to be, “if I haven’t experienced it, it means it doesn’t exist”. Clearly this is ludicrous, and links directly to privilege, that aggravating and confusing buzzword. Privilege appears in many forms: white, male, straight, able-bodied, cisgender, class. Those with all these forms of privilege will often be entirely unaware that it exists, for which they really cannot be blamed. Why would those who have truly never experienced problems relating to these sorts of oppression know about it? The issues only arise when they/we are made aware of them, because most people do not react with compassion and understanding, but instead with anger and the strong conviction that they are being blamed.

Here is the thing though, going back to feminism: feminism does not blame today's men for The Patriarchy. We understand it is not your fault, Male Student In His 20s Who Does Not Understand Why We Are Angry, but that does not mean you do not benefit from it in some ways. The constant sexual objectification of women, the terrifyingly high rates of sexual assault, the still-existing pay gap, the lack of women in positions of responsibility in all industries including the media, the constant pressure to perform what ‘being a woman’ is and the encouragement to view other women as competition are all real problems that men simply do not encounter. Hence the need for feminism.

3. MRAs – Men’s Rights Activists

In other ways of course we are all placed at a disadvantage because of our society’s strict expectations; men’s issues include various things relating to paternity, the higher suicide rates for men, the fact that men are supposed to not show emotion and instead be ‘strong’, the pressure to appear macho. These are all obviously things that need to be addressed. The answer to these is not MRAs.

I had never encountered such people before the internet, and I have never met a self-identified MRA in real life, although I have my suspicions about some. Instead of working to improve the issues mentioned above – which incidentally are all side-effects of The Patriarchy and therefore are also addressed by feminists who, contrary to popular opinion, mostly do not hate men – these MRAs spend their time hating feminists and blaming them for everything. This subset of humanity is also the one that has adopted the term ‘feminazi’, which is an appropriate term because wanting equality is exactly the same as being a National Socialist responsible for mass murder.

Most things that MRAs post online would be laughable if it weren't so worrying that so many people, especially young men, believe them. There is a huge amount of MRA material on Reddit and other dark corners of the internet, and it is good to know about them. But do not allow yourself to get sucked into the gloom because it becomes difficult to extricate yourself or to remember what happiness felt like. If you want to see some actual evidence of this, Google ‘reddit MRA’ or something similar; however, please note this is a risky move and one I would not advise unless you are feeling strong. 

MRAs seem to have a strange image in their heads of what women are like, and they wilfully misunderstand the purposes of feminism, so ideally I would entirely write them out of the picture until they learn to have educated, compassionate debate that is not almost entirely based on anger, misogyny, and the fact that women don't like them.

4. Women Against Feminism

The most upsetting aspect of discussing feminism with friends or acquaintances is the number of women who are somehow against it. It is quite difficult to believe that anyone can be against feminism itself - in general it seems the usual reason is that it is a scary label that makes you sound angry and mean and unattractive.

The women and girls of my generation have benefited so much from feminism already, and will continue to benefit as the movement grows in strength and hopefully continues to lose its stigma. Aside from the obvious advantages, such as the vote and being allowed to have our own bank accounts, and not being completely under the control of men our entire lives, another very real benefit is bonding with female friends about the things that we all experience but assumed were normal. You got catcalled in the street starting from the age of 13, when you were wearing school uniform? You started shaving your legs and wearing makeup at that age or earlier because you felt you had to act older than you were? You've been sexually harassed almost every single time you've gone out to a club with your friends? You feel pressured to remove all visible body hair because everyone else pretends that adult women are totally hairless so you feel you have to as well? You're told that boys will be boys but girls are responsible for every action, including ones made when drunk or unconscious? All these are things that feminism is trying to dismantle. Talking to each other and collectively realising that actually no, it isn't normal, and no we shouldn't have to accept it, has been very liberating.

I can't imagine why anyone would be against the idea of equality. There are of course problems with mainstream feminism, namely its focus on white, middle-class women. For women or people who do not fall into these categories, mainstream feminism can be an alienating place, and they understandably might object to identifying as a feminist. But in order to challenge them, these people will already be aware of feminist issues; ultimately, even if you don't call yourself a feminist, it is still possible to have feminist ideas and opinions, and that is what is important.

5. To men: “Why are you suddenly so interested in this?”

This is a brand new one for me, and I only mention it because I was so shocked to hear it exists. Jack, my boyfriend, involved himself in a debate on Facebook the other day, which started when a family friend posted a link to an article about women in business. Jack made various well thought-through points in a polite and mild-mannered way, addressing the incoherent rage that the poster had slipped into without properly thinking about the issue at hand at all. This was met with “Jack, why are you so vocal about this female stuff?” and “I think Jack's burnt his bra”, and then, a bit later, “I'm still thinking about Jack's bra”. All these comments made by another family friend he respected. I found this kind of unbelievable. Jack, how dare you think about the glaring injustices in society and try to draw other people's attention to them now you yourself are aware? You must have burnt your bra!! It's funny because you feminism equals ... burning bras? And... bras are funny? Yes, funny, bras. Haha. Bra.

I doubt the person or people involved will read this but I would like to publicly say that I have lost any respect I had for them and am actually quite disgusted by the laughably ignorant reaction from someone I thought was educated and aware.

In conclusion

As is clear, I am not one to keep quiet about such things - it's got to the point where if someone now says something shitty, I get nervous, not because I think I should say something, but because I know I will and I'm anticipating the potentially horrible reaction. As a platform for debate, Facebook is one that I find incredibly stressful and scary. When engaging with people in an even slightly argumentative way I start shaking and feel anxious and basically it's awful and I hate it. I'm sure this reaction is fairly common, especially among people who are debating issues that they really strongly care about, and that affect them deeply. After all, it is easy to remain calm and indifferent if the issues under discussion have no impact on your own life.

Despite this discomfort, engaging with others has to be done, because otherwise what is the point of being aware? I used to be as ignorant and offensive as lots of the people I see commenting on Facebook, and there are definitely lots of things I am still woefully ignorant about, especially issues relating to race, disability, and other things mentioned above of which I have no personal experience. However I am at least trying to educate myself, and trying to make small differences where I can. And if you are too then I almost certainly consider us secret sisters/siblings and wish you nothing but puppies and happiness forever.

I leave you with this tweet, from my favourite
Twitter account. Definitely worth a follow.