The Long and Whine-ding Road
Tenuous pun in the title, I know, and for that I apologise. Any superior suggestions are very welcome. However I wanted to reference the huge amount of complaining I've been enjoying recently; since the beginning of February there has been pretty much non-stop whining from over here. Although this may have become clear to most of you, due to my having said it roughly twelve hundred times in the last three weeks, I hate February. It is the worst month of the year. I've been waiting for the end of February since it started 24 days ago. As a break from ranting about my entirely trivial problems, here is a breakdown of all the months of the year, and why every single one of them is superior to February.
January
This initial month gets a lot of bad rap, which I believe is a tragic misunderstanding of the month's aims. January never pretends that it should be taken seriously. It's meant to ease you in slowly to the new year. You've made numerous resolutions, probably none of which should be taken seriously - lose weight! Why? Literally why. It is still winter. You'll be so cold - and most of which will be broken within days, or at best, weeks. This should not be considered a failure. New Year's Resolutions are quite clearly made to be broken. It's simply fun to turn over a new leaf and try to do things differently for a while. Then you realise you were quite happy doing things the way you were before, so you gently fall back into old habits and it's all fine. This months purely brings the end of the old year, which probably had parts that you're happy to forget about, and the beginning of the new, which is full of glorious, shiny potential.
February
February, or 'the Devil's Month' as I like to call it, has all of the gloom of January - freezingly grey weather, old bad habits taken up again - with none of the charm of new beginnings. It's too short to get into it properly, but you're so keen for the end that it seems to drag on much longer than the other months, none of which is so stubbornly exactly four weeks long (most years). It's a long slog to the end of the academic year, and even longer to the end of the actual year (although who aims for that?), and more work is piled on, with no sympathy for your triumph/sadness left over from before Christmas. If I were in a better frame of mind, I'd comment on the incredibly pleasing symmetry of the years when February is exactly four weeks of Monday to Sunday, meaning it perfectly fits on the calendar. This is the case this year, if your calendar week starts on a Sunday. However this is wrong and weird, so if yours does please don't tell me because it makes me feel odd. But do enjoy the symmetry nonetheless.
March
Birthday month! For me and many of my friends! I love March. It starts to feel Spring-y and you begin to see green again, actual green, for the first time since October. Also it means it's nearly Easter which equal holidays and chocolate (and Jesus, if you're interested in that).
April
Easter. Nearly May. More feeling of Spring. You can consider leaving the house without a coat, although I wouldn't advise actually doing it unless you're one of those people who seemingly has no concept of 'cold' and 'warm' and just exists, the true mammal, somehow remaining eternally at the same temperature regardless of external conditions. If you are one of these beings, I salute you.
May
Nearly summer! End of the academic year, nearly! If you're lucky enough to be in education, you'll probably have exams at this time, but the good news is that you'll have the exams and then they'll be over. And Time will march relentlessly on, and really it's sort of comforting knowing that however little you revise and even if you know nothing, by the end of May, or perhaps June, the exams will be done with.
June
Actual real summer now. In school this was when concerts happened, all at once and when everyone's entirely unprepared. There was always a lovely bemused atmosphere of 'oh are we doing this now? Okay' in the wild rehearsals on the day, before performing something that evening to a very low standard and then being lavishly congratulated by every member of the audience and ensemble. Everyone relaxes a bit in June - it is the beginning of the mellow, summer feeling that we still get in the UK even if the temperature stubbornly remains below 20°C at all times.
July
In school: end of year parties, Leavers' Ball/Prom in the good years or a Junior School disco in the bad ones, watching films instead of learning, the entire community just waiting for the holidays. And sun! And warmth! And even those cold-blooded mammals who need to wear two pairs of sock and tights under their jeans and three jumpers even when they're inside, even we get to not wear a coat outdoors in this month, if we're feeling brave.
August
August is just lovely. August connotes fields and gardens baked by the sun until they're a brownish-gold, and long peaceful evenings in the still-warm air, interrupted only by the odd frenzied scuffle with a wasp or ten.
September
And then for students and pupils, September is new beginnings again, yet another try at turning over a new leaf. You get to buy a pure and untarnished academic diary and write in your new timetable, and there's also the exciting possibility of having teachers you actually like this year. Everything is new in September, while often at the same time being incredibly comfortingly familiar.
October
Autumn, and therefore beautiful. Lovely colours, you can try and catch the leaves, you get to wear thick tights again (bliss) and there are hardly any wasps left to hunt you.
November
November is the February of the second half of the year. Again, it is grey and cold, and again there are no real events in it to look forward to. However, the enormous difference is that if you make it through November you will be rewarded with December. Also, for those in education, November is the month for which you are incredibly thankful; it is long enough to actually try and finish some coursework or do a bit of studying before December happens and everyone forgets how to work or think straight.
December
Just Christmas. All month long, Christmas. Festive, joyful, deck the halls, indulge in meaningless capitalist routines, eat your weight in mince pies. You know the drill. The one tiny issue here is that evil institutions such as universities and exam boards decree that after joy must come pain, for which reason they have established January exams. This mars the festivities only slightly, though, unless you're one of those people who 'wants to do well' and 'will actually do something to go about achieving that aim by working a bit'. But such creatures are rare and seldom encountered.
So, to end on a happy note: only four more days of the Devil's Month! It can only get better. Good luck and godspeed to you all.
January
This initial month gets a lot of bad rap, which I believe is a tragic misunderstanding of the month's aims. January never pretends that it should be taken seriously. It's meant to ease you in slowly to the new year. You've made numerous resolutions, probably none of which should be taken seriously - lose weight! Why? Literally why. It is still winter. You'll be so cold - and most of which will be broken within days, or at best, weeks. This should not be considered a failure. New Year's Resolutions are quite clearly made to be broken. It's simply fun to turn over a new leaf and try to do things differently for a while. Then you realise you were quite happy doing things the way you were before, so you gently fall back into old habits and it's all fine. This months purely brings the end of the old year, which probably had parts that you're happy to forget about, and the beginning of the new, which is full of glorious, shiny potential.
February
February, or 'the Devil's Month' as I like to call it, has all of the gloom of January - freezingly grey weather, old bad habits taken up again - with none of the charm of new beginnings. It's too short to get into it properly, but you're so keen for the end that it seems to drag on much longer than the other months, none of which is so stubbornly exactly four weeks long (most years). It's a long slog to the end of the academic year, and even longer to the end of the actual year (although who aims for that?), and more work is piled on, with no sympathy for your triumph/sadness left over from before Christmas. If I were in a better frame of mind, I'd comment on the incredibly pleasing symmetry of the years when February is exactly four weeks of Monday to Sunday, meaning it perfectly fits on the calendar. This is the case this year, if your calendar week starts on a Sunday. However this is wrong and weird, so if yours does please don't tell me because it makes me feel odd. But do enjoy the symmetry nonetheless.
March
Birthday month! For me and many of my friends! I love March. It starts to feel Spring-y and you begin to see green again, actual green, for the first time since October. Also it means it's nearly Easter which equal holidays and chocolate (and Jesus, if you're interested in that).
April
Easter. Nearly May. More feeling of Spring. You can consider leaving the house without a coat, although I wouldn't advise actually doing it unless you're one of those people who seemingly has no concept of 'cold' and 'warm' and just exists, the true mammal, somehow remaining eternally at the same temperature regardless of external conditions. If you are one of these beings, I salute you.
May
Nearly summer! End of the academic year, nearly! If you're lucky enough to be in education, you'll probably have exams at this time, but the good news is that you'll have the exams and then they'll be over. And Time will march relentlessly on, and really it's sort of comforting knowing that however little you revise and even if you know nothing, by the end of May, or perhaps June, the exams will be done with.
June
Actual real summer now. In school this was when concerts happened, all at once and when everyone's entirely unprepared. There was always a lovely bemused atmosphere of 'oh are we doing this now? Okay' in the wild rehearsals on the day, before performing something that evening to a very low standard and then being lavishly congratulated by every member of the audience and ensemble. Everyone relaxes a bit in June - it is the beginning of the mellow, summer feeling that we still get in the UK even if the temperature stubbornly remains below 20°C at all times.
July
In school: end of year parties, Leavers' Ball/Prom in the good years or a Junior School disco in the bad ones, watching films instead of learning, the entire community just waiting for the holidays. And sun! And warmth! And even those cold-blooded mammals who need to wear two pairs of sock and tights under their jeans and three jumpers even when they're inside, even we get to not wear a coat outdoors in this month, if we're feeling brave.
August
August is just lovely. August connotes fields and gardens baked by the sun until they're a brownish-gold, and long peaceful evenings in the still-warm air, interrupted only by the odd frenzied scuffle with a wasp or ten.
September
And then for students and pupils, September is new beginnings again, yet another try at turning over a new leaf. You get to buy a pure and untarnished academic diary and write in your new timetable, and there's also the exciting possibility of having teachers you actually like this year. Everything is new in September, while often at the same time being incredibly comfortingly familiar.
October
Autumn, and therefore beautiful. Lovely colours, you can try and catch the leaves, you get to wear thick tights again (bliss) and there are hardly any wasps left to hunt you.
November
November is the February of the second half of the year. Again, it is grey and cold, and again there are no real events in it to look forward to. However, the enormous difference is that if you make it through November you will be rewarded with December. Also, for those in education, November is the month for which you are incredibly thankful; it is long enough to actually try and finish some coursework or do a bit of studying before December happens and everyone forgets how to work or think straight.
December
Just Christmas. All month long, Christmas. Festive, joyful, deck the halls, indulge in meaningless capitalist routines, eat your weight in mince pies. You know the drill. The one tiny issue here is that evil institutions such as universities and exam boards decree that after joy must come pain, for which reason they have established January exams. This mars the festivities only slightly, though, unless you're one of those people who 'wants to do well' and 'will actually do something to go about achieving that aim by working a bit'. But such creatures are rare and seldom encountered.
So, to end on a happy note: only four more days of the Devil's Month! It can only get better. Good luck and godspeed to you all.
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