You Can Call Me El

I've conducted some scientific research recently. My methodology was as follows: I thought about the time I spent volunteering on the mental health helpline, and I thought about how many times people had said they didn't want to open up about their mental health to their friends or family, and I thought about what proportion of these people had given the reason, "because I don't want to be a burden."  The results are in: it was A Lot. A lot of people said this. This leads to the conclusion: many of us are worried about being a burden! This is probably true of many areas, but talking about your  mental health shit is a dead cert. It's heavy and difficult and people just don't want to lay it on their friends, their family, their loved ones, their colleagues, their acquaintances - anyone! They don't want to burden anyone. And sure, b eing a burden suuuucks! No one wants to do it! So a cool solution is to hold it in and don't talk about it.  The diffic...

Last weekend we went to Norfolk and stayed by the sea. My whole family was there and some family friends too and Marc, of course, and it was like being in another life. The entire week beforehand I was in a state of fear and stress. It just seemed ridiculous that we would be allowed to go. I was certain we would contract Covid that week and not be able to, or that something would happen to stop us. I just didn’t think it would happen. Note, please, that there was nothing concrete in our way; it’s not that I was worried about the train being cancelled, which could have happened, or missing it, or not being ready in time. It was nothing very specific. I just thought the universe would conspire to stop us from getting there. I think this is because I think I’m not allowed nice things . And I’m wondering if part of this might be because it’s been so many months without nice things that I can’t remember what it’s like to have them? Or that I just don’t think I’m allowed? Let me ex...

I wrote this in January 2018 and found it the other day. Unfortunately nearly all of it is still true so here it is, pretty much unedited. For all of you who think yoga's not for you... I'm now one of those people and I think it's great and I have nothing but the deepest respect for those who practise it and are good at it and urgh I KNOW. Anyway, here's the post. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I struggle with yoga. There’s something about it that just infuriates me. I don’t know if it’s my impatience with a form of exercise that’s just holding different positions for ages and paying uncomfortably close attention to your breathing, or my resentment that this is actually really hard and I can’t do it at all. It could be the smug righteousness of people who talk about their own yoga-induced spirituality and outstanding mindfulness, or the superiority and smoothly glowing thighs of the many indistinguishable...